(I'll bet you thought I forgot this one.)
(Now THAT would be crime.)
Y'know, nature creates beauty that humankind CANNOT EVEN BEGIN to imagine.
And I am not lying.
For those of you without an ounce of caution or fear that are up for a "real-time battle of
the wits", please feel free to im me at "TobyD221" on either AOLIM or Yahoo Messenger.
What the hell are you waiting for?
NOW IS YOUR CHANCE BIG DADDY!
You need to get my addy anyway.
ALL MY GOODIES, REMEMBER?
I am NOT posting that ONLINE!
AND GUESS WHAT ELSE BABE?!?!
You have absolutely no excuse
NOT to get in touch with me!!!
You and I both know FOR A FACT
that YOU will be SAFE around ME!
Because there is NO WAY IN HELL
I would ever believe you are real.
So have fun trying to convince me.
Irony of ironies, once you got to know me you would find
yourself frustrated and wishing that I did believe in you.
Of that there is absolutely no doubt.
Kind of an interesting concept, huh?
YOU trying to convince ME
that YOU are for real.
And I seriously doubt you could do it.
Why wouldn't you be able to convince me?
Especially if YOU ARE REALLY YOU?
I'll tell ya why you couldn't.
Because every f'ing ogre on the entire internet
***HAS ALREADY TRIED FOR YOU***
And, if you don't mind me saying, I am one FINE piece of work.
I'm as Irish as an American can get.
I'm TO-DIE-FOR-GORGEOUS (in Oz).
My butt was MADE for Levi's.
I'm open-minded, intelligent, fiesty AND funny.
Given the chance, I could write you an Oscar-winning role.
You think I'm kidding.
I know I'm not.
I'd say I am WELL worth the effort.
AND THEY BLEW ANY CHANCE YOU EVER HAD WITH ME!
If I were you, I'd be f'ing PISSED!
BECAUSE YOU, MR. DIESEL, CAN NEVER CONVINCE ME THAT YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE!!!
Big time bummer, huh?
If you think about it, we're BOTH being "used and abused" by f'ing ogres.
Personally, I despise being "used and abused".
What are your feelings on the matter?
Or do you prefer to abstain?
DAMN! He's quicker than I expected.
Oh well. A writer's gotta TRY, right?
(And I still say he's too chicken to take me up on it.)
(He's afraid I'm right.)
(He wouldn't be able to explain it during his "Thank You Speech" on Oscar night.)
("If it weren't for TobyD calling me a chicken, I wouldn't be standing here tonight ...!!!")
(So what else can I do to get someone like you to pay attention, Mr. Diesel?)
(AND NO I WON'T DO ANY F'ING *literally* SEXUAL FAVORS EITHER!)
(I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU'RE WORTH!!!)
(Just ask my ex-ogre about that, he'll tell ya.)
(I was old before I even got here, see.)
(Money and fame just don't f'ing matter.)
(At least they don't in MY universe.)
(So let me know if you want the script.)
(WHAT DO YOU F'ING MEAN "WHAT SCRIPT"?)
(THE OSCAR WINNING SCRIPT YA DOOFUS!)
(Your short term memory suffering a bit there?)
(You forget things a lot, do ya?)
(That certainly would explain your house number.)
(You ever see the movie "Memento"?)
(Well -- go watch it again.)
(And this time -- TAKE NOTES.)
(The guy has a good scheme going.)
(Helps him KEEP TRACK of the important things.)
(Y'know, I never would've guessed that about you.)
(Being a FORGETFUL type, I mean.)
(I'll have to remember that.)
(I CAN DO THAT, y'know.)
(I really can!)
(Cuz I, MYSELF, am NOT a forgetful type.)
(So I'm wondering something.)
(What ELSE have you forgotten?)
(Any of the REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF still with you?)
(How about THIS -- do you remember THIS?)
(The irony of it all, Mr. Diesel, is that you can't get to be important enough to warrant attention without having
something to say, and you can't have something to say that warrant's attention until you're important enough.)
(I only ask if you remember that because word is that you've forgotten what it is to be the "little guy")
("The little guy" -- so to speak, of course.)
(MANYMANYMANY people are saying that you've turned into nothing less than a "raging egomaniac".)
(I'm still not too sure that I believe that whole theory though.)
(I GUESS WE SHALL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE, WON'T WE!!!)
(My page on THAT whole topic is also in the works.)
(If you wanna know MY OPINION on the "raging egomaniac" theory, then come back soon.)
(Cuz it's just a matter of time before I HAVE TO SHARE MY OPINION WITH THE WORLD!)
(So who's the f'ing "raging egomaniac" now.)