Let's Get It On
GOD I LOVE MEN!!!
The ogre almost -- ALMOST -- ruined my passion for men.
After my divorce I seriously considered lesbianism as a real alternative.
It didn't work out.
Something was -- missing.
I think it was the "man-smell".
Or maybe it was the "testosterone" that kicks in first thing in the morning and WAKESYAUP!
See -- I may be a woman, but that doesn't mean I understand them.
I do understand MEN, however.
I know exactly WHAT they want and WHEN they want it.
I know the pressure points on a man's body that will make him profess true love.
True love -- at the TIME, anyway.
Yeah, they bug the hell out of me -- but they're predictable, y'know?
Just like "The Fast and the Furious".
(looks to me like she's flipping us off)
(yeah, well -- my butt would look better in those totally skanky pants, thank you very much)
(i was also born in oz and talk to the munchkins every night)
You know what?
Every VDFandemoniac out there just ADORED this movie.
You know why?
Cuz Mr. Vin Diesel was naked.
(Mostly naked/that's mostly why they liked it --->>> take your f'ing pick.)
And also because he was "caught" in various stages of -- shall we call it "love-making".
(I want to know what they're looking at. I like to think she's all tweaking his nipple or something because I LIKE TO THINK ABOUT TWEAKING HIS NIPPLE! That's just a ***GREAT*** thing to think about. You know what, though? I bet it was like, a FLY crawling on his stomach or something incredibly PLAIN like that. Reality can't and doesn't stand a chance against this little fantasy world, does it? I've come to kind of prefer it in here myself. Much more enjoyable than the real world. No wonder people never leave.)
ALAS -- all those things didn't make it a good movie.
All they did was add a little extra heat.
My thoughts on the movie?
Something was -- missing.
And it WASN'T the "man-smell".
It was a wonderful Colorado summer night -- perfect weather -- and me and my brother went to the drive-in that is right at the base of the foothills where they were showing "Jurassic Park III" and "The Fast and the Furious". My brother didn't particularly want to see either movie, but my mother didn't want me going alone, so he went as sort of a "bodyguard". He was a good sport, too, and sat through a horrifying "Jurassic Park III" and then an even more terrifying "The Fast and the Furious" without one complaint. And as we packed the chairs up in the trunk and picked up the popcorn tubs and soda containers, do you know what he said?
"You know, that Vin Diesel guy was the only one that could ACT worth a sh** out of all of them.
He's the one that carried the whole thing. Without him, that movie was just -- BAD."
I had to build my own damn web site to be able to say this -- but I have to agree.
It was a HORRIBLE movie -- a HORRIBLE movie with REALLY cool cars and REALLY cool music and REALLY cool chase and race scenes and REALLY SLUTTY-HOT-BETTY'S and REALLY MACHO-BUFF-SWEATY-MEN.
SexSpeedViolence will always sell.
There is a healthy, thriving market for it.
And if you're into that kind of thing, then it doesn't matter if most of the actors are bad.
It doesn't matter if the editing is so chaotic that you're thrown from one scene to the next with no transition.
It doesn't matter if the revelation scene is shoved into a compact "here'swhyheisthewayheis" minute or two and then whisked under a rug while we move on to more important things -- like more SexSpeedViolence.
Kinda like a porno flick.
Not that I have anything against a good porno flick.
Even though that is a contradiction in terms.
To each his or her own. More power to ya if that's what floats your boat.
This movie was just a SexSpeedViolence flick that did well because it starred Mr. Vin Diesel, who is a solid actor with a solid fan base, and Michelle Rodriguez, who has earned a solid fan base in her own right from her role in "Girlfight". Combine the brawn of the man with the brawn of the woman and what do we get?
A surprise summer hit that made it big at the box office.
BECAUSE BOTH SEXES ATTEND!
(I figured that out ALL ON MY OWN!!!)
(Did I mention that I have a "COLLEGE DEGREE"?!! YEAH!!! I'm SPECIAL!)
(I can't for the life of me remember in WHAT exactly, though.)
(Any of my old college buds out there? Do you remember what I studied?)
(DID I STUDY? And if I did, then WHERE THE HELL WAS I at the time?)
(And DO NOT get me started on "Girlfight" if you know what's good for you!)
So here's the $10,000,000.00 question ladies and be HONEST!
If this movie didn't star Mr. Vin Diesel...would you have gone to the theater to see it twenty-five times?
Because this movie was just a typical SexSpeedViolenceCheese flick.
And not a particularly good one at that.
I find that women don't usually frequent those kinds of shows.
Unless there's a HOT-BOD-MALE-STAR in it.
And then that's the only thing they like.
I wouldn't have forked out the cash to see it at the theater if Mr. Vin Diesel wasn't in it.
I would've waited for video.
YES -- MR. DIESEL!
***HEY MR. DIESEL***
Is this going to adversely affect my chances of actually getting the items I've requested? Because I'm just being HONEST! I thought you of all people could RESPECT that! Just because I'm saying the MOVIE was bad does not necessarily mean that I'm saying YOU WERE BAD IN THE MOVIE! So here's an idea! When you send all the other items, why don't you send a copy of "The Fast and the Furious" to the local theater here, and arrange for a private viewing. Which you will attend, of course. And then I can put pressure on certain points and you can explain, if you are able to that is, WHY things were done the way they were done in the film.
IT COULD BE REALLY GOOD FOR YOU TOO!
To hear my POINTS in more DEPTH I mean!
So if you wanna know the real reason why I didn't like this movie
If you could give a rat's butthole about the real reason I didn't like this movie, then you can move on to